in the deep
Tormented.
Deep in despair.
I have been there and back at least one hundred times.
The questions of why.
The doubt of having any worth to anyone.
The mirage of a normal life.
A façade.
Because deep inside there is a knowing that it is just a game.
One where I have to put on the face of what others want to see and believe.
And why?
Because then it is easier for them to go about their life without worrying of me?Because then they can proclaim their ignorance of my struggle?
As I sit and look around at my perfectly designed life, I just want to disappear.
I want to go where I cannot be found or questioned or seen.
I want so badly to scream, to cry, to lose myself in the feeling.
But I am told I cannot do this. I have to be strong.
I have to dig deep.I have to find a way to “change perspective”.
To be positive.When the only thing I am positive about is that my soul is tired.
My heart is weak.
My mind longs for peace.
To know that I matter.
That I have value. (to anyone other than myself)
But for today, I will put on the mask.
I will play the game.
