letting go

Letting Go 

Learning the art of letting go is a tricky lesson.

I used to believe that letting go meant failure. It meant I could not have what I wanted. I would hang on so tightly that I would choke the life out of whatever potential it may have had. Until I met you. The person who would change my perspective. Who would teach me that everything was not always about me. In the past my life lessons have been painful, both mentally and at times physically. But this lesson was so profound because it was so gentle. It was so sincere and genuine. It shocked me to the very core. I am often like tornadoes. I come in from out of nowhere and am so intense I can wreak havoc on some poor unsuspecting person that I have set my heart towards. I do not exhibit much self-control in the things I do. I simply feel like doing it and it is done with little thought of how it may affect my lifelong term. My intention is not to harm but to bless, but there can be excess, and it can overwhelm.

I love doing things– whether it be grand gestures or small consistent reminders of my love and care. My love language is time and touch. And ironically, somehow texting fits into that. It’s like if I can reach out in text or I hear from you, I have been “touched” … and it is enough. I am a simple person really, I want to know I matter… So, when I do not hear or get a response in the time (I would) respond, I begin to wonder if I have done something. But I am learning that the way I would do something and the way another would does not have to be the same – and yet still mean the same.

There was a time I did not hear from you. My mind went all over the world. And mostly to the negative. Not fair, I know. But being real… It did.Rather than going off or blowing off messages…  I (for once) sat quietly. A few days later, I got a message about how you had made all the things for our dinner together. Even though I had not heard from you- you were thinking of me. It was such an eye-opening experience that I did not know what to do with myself.  I was both humbled and “righted” in my wrong thinking… everything IS NOT about me all the time. You have this uncanny way of teaching me how my thought process has been a little off and wrong… without making me feel stupid. Your consistent way of living life with a positive perspective has brought me into a reality I have not yet known.  So, back to letting go

I have learned that letting go (of the need to control) is a gift.  Resting in what is- is a gift. Not worrying about what will be- it is a gift.

Living fully- the best gift.You, in who you are… genuine, true, and steady… is teaching me everyday.