rainbows
Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (and what’s on the other side)I heard this song today and it brought tears to my eyes.
So many memories. So many hopes and dreams. So much faith. And for what?I still sit here, loving more than I am loved. Giving more than I receive.
I used to think I wanted too much and that I looked for things to go wrong- I took responsibility for things I probably shouldn’t.
When I just know in my heart, I deserve the love I crave. I simply have not found the person who is my match on every level. I need someone who can give of themselves the way I do. It isn’t too much to ask for someone to invest in my heart the way I do theirs. To be whole enough to allow themselves to be vulnerable with me. To be all in.
I cannot settle for “good enough” any longer. I have to let go.I have to move forward with the grace I so easily give to others.Looking deep within, I know I am finally ready. Ready for healthy… not desperate love.Because true love is not desperate. It is calm, secure, steady, and reciprocated. Otherwise, it is just attachment. I have been accused of “collecting people” and it is true. I get attached and I refuse to let go… or I did. I have come to realize I cannot be that person any longer and remain healthy. I have worked so hard on myself in the past 18 months, and I simply cannot give up on this journey.
I will take a moment to grieve. Then I will regroup, and I will move forward. Sometimes, a breaking point is just what you need to let go and move on.I will not beg, I will not plead, I will not lessen myself for another. I may cry, but crying cleanses the soul… and my soul needs a little cleansing today.